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About the Painting:
To tell about this painting, I have to pause and muster some courage. It's origin is intensely personal, revealing, and is
very close to home for me.
Several years ago I went through a very traumatic time. After 35 years of living with the unidentified symptoms, I was
formally diagnosed with Obsessive Complusive Disorder. Though the diagnosis explained many things for me about my own personality
and behavior since childhood, I still had a very hard time dealing with hearing the formal diagnosis.
I went through a period of dark depression, and unusually high stress had brought my OCD to a completely unmanageable
point. I tried meds to help manage it, but found they turn off all my feelings - made me numb. With feelings being the life
blood of my artistic soul, I knew it would be impossible for me to continue using anything synthetic to control my OCD. Emotions
are too valuable to me, I must feel to paint.
I felt lost, alone, and scared about this thing called OCD.
Then my dear friend Lance wrote a poem for me called "Eventual," which he sent me on my birthday. Though he's
an abstract writer, his meaning was crystal clear to me. Though the present was black, the dawn just around the corner was
lavendar- scented, and full of unbelievable promise. He couldn't have been more right if he was a fortune teller.
Since that time, I have learned to co-exist with my OCD. Yes, I still have it. It manifests as an excess of energy when
I am stressed, in both productive and destructive spurts. It shows up in my paintings (excessive patterns), and my studio
(organize 'til you drop). It is a cameleon - changing shape and focus constantly. But I think I understand it much better
now, and have am learning to co-exist with this beast... it and make it work FOR me. I have tried to learn the workings of
the monster, and done my best to tame it.
"Eventual" is a painting based on my dear friend's poem, sent to me during this crucial, vulnerable time in
my life. It is packed with symbolism representing our friendship (butterfly hands), change (autumn leaves), overcoming dark
times, accepting things that are beyond our understanding and control (the stars, and also OCD), and smelling the lavendar-scented
dawn well before you ever see it (hope, faith and blind trust).
Lance, this painting is dedicated to you. For your loyal and undying friendship, your wisdom, dark sense of humor, your
ability to listen and understand, and - yes - for your always impecable timing. One of the most creative souls I have encountered,
my life has been all the richer because you are in it. Thank you, "H."
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