This is the most emotionally difficult painting I have ever done.  It had to be created; my heart gave me no choice, but I have never suffered so much over a decision to show a piece. To not  show it would go against everything I claim to be as an artist.  I am suppressing so many fears, allowing my heart to guide me, my courage to hold me up, and my tears to fall freely.  

I remember that day, September 11, 2001, as you most likely do.  Amid all the feelings of horror, disbelief and shock, I also remember feeling very clearly that something did not feel right.  That feeling came over me when I saw the first tower collapse.  That feeling was so strong, and it has never left me.  At the time I did not know why.  But when something sits wrong with me, I begin asking questions. 

And so began my 4 year journey of research: a complex puzzle with many pieces of odd, disjointed shapes that are very spread out, inconvenient to locate, but finding their way together (thanks to some amazing and courageous people) to form a bigger picture.   So many unanswered questions.  So much information omitted.  So much greed, deception, lies. When I began this piece, my initial intention was to try to share some of these unsolved mysteries from my research through my image.   But that changed entirely.

One night while producing this show, I had a dream that this piece needed to include all of the victims who lost their lives on that day. I got a hold of the victim list, and I was stunned into paralysis.  It was SO long.  It became so human, hurt like I had never experienced before.   So many people.  So many lives.  So many hopes and dreams lost. It put me out of commission, I cried and cried.   It became crystal clear  to me that, despite all of the crucial evidence yet to be addressed, the focal point for this painting is the people who lost their lives.  THEY are the reason we should ask the disturbing, painful questions.   

With the help of two fantastic men, we printed the victim list out at 6 point type and spent 2 full days cutting each individual name out.  As I handled the names, it broke my heart over and over…and there were so many.  My studio looked like it had snowed from all of the paper scraps.  We stored the thousands of tiny cut out names in an empty jigsaw puzzle box (ironically a box for a 3000 piece puzzle...go figure).

The next day, we began the nine hour process of carefully mounting each of the individual names to the smoke-filled area of the painting.  It was a difficult, long process that involved bending over the canvas, working with a fast-drying tacky adhesive (normally used for glittering metal leafing), careful craftsmanship with very tiny bits of paper, moving, placing and adjusting names with tweezers and fingernails. It was back-breaking and painful physically, but heart breaking emotionally.  Throughout the process we took hyper care to make sure each name was placed in readable positions and that not a single name was lost.  When we finally mounted the last name, John P. O'Neill, we sealed them all in, stood back, and wept.

The next day I painted the layers of darkened glaze which forms the smokey clouds over all of the thousands of names.  It became almost a horrible symbolic gesture… that all of these people were too valuable to have just ”gone up in smoke.”

The edges of this painting have words that express my feelings about the events of 9/11. They are not propaganda:  they are from my heart.

I hear the word "conspiracy" attached to anyone who supports a story other than what the 9/11 commission report has packaged and delivered to the public. In my eyes, the word "conspiracy" applies, not to those who ask questions and seek the truth, but is an action associated with those who have something to hide, are seeking to cover up lies, and need a way (name calling) to discredit those who are discovering their evil deeds.

I have posted some informative documentaries posted next to this piece.  It has taken every ounce of courage I have to post these links. But after much sole-searching and introspection, I have come to that place of peace with myself.  First and foremost, I have done this for and from the victims, whose name I personally handled and now have a connection with. Secondly, I do this out of respect for the credible experts, loved ones of 9/11 victims, and organizations, who have put their lives, credibility, and reputations on the line, lost their jobs, been blacklisted, and suffered otherwise  for the past 8 years to expose facts they know are relevant, important, and discrediting to the "package" sold to the public. These brave individuals are not crackpots.  They are professionals with credible expertise in varying, pertinent fields.  Their knowledge has made them unable to remain silent, and I admire them for their courage and strength to go against the grain, and carry the heavy burden of bringing this information to light. 

Their hearts have been telling them for years the same thing mine is telling me. 
And so, through the humble use of my brush, canvas, paint, and heart,  I speak....
with the only voice I know…that which comes from inside.

If you are about to click on the video link below, it is my hope that you will do so with an open heart and mind.
The things we are told are not always truthful, and it is our responsibility and right as individuals and citizens to contemplate, consider, and sort out the reality from fiction which is fabricated for other motives.  There are many informational videos on the 9/11 truth movement that can be found on Google Video and uTube. Many are technical and can be difficult information to process for first time viewers to this topic.  I selected this particular documentary because I felt the presentation of facts was well organized, well documented and investigated, and well explained. Most importantly, the approach the producers have taken allows you, the viewer, to decide, consider, and go off on your own to verify and investigate, any of the claims made in the presentation. 

Good luck, and may your heart and mind be your guide.